ranting from me (get comfy..it's long.)

EE is a lot harder than i thought it'd be. or maybe it was that first week or two where i had virtually no work that lowered my ... i guess... mental "difficulty rating" of the EE program. maybe my profs who can't teach are making it difficult. maybe i'm just not paying attention or trying very hard. whatever it is... right now i don't feel happy to be an EE. surprisingly... at least to me, i've recently seriously consider maybe not going through w/ engineering. not even just switching out of the EE major... but out of engineering entirely. i don't know. i guess engineering was just something i was able to see myself doing. but now i'm thinking of studying languages instead. in recent years, i have been discovering how much i like learning languages. i studied french for 5 years and really enjoyed it. i know an almost non-existent amout of spanish from the 4th grade, but still have fun translating (or trying to) spanish from AIM conversations, or any other kind of written spanish... or listening to non-native speakers :) (native speakers are too fast for me). and not only do i have fun with that, i actually want to learn spanish... for fun. yes, ppl (those who've had hs spanish...particularly at clements...) i actually wantto study it for fun. also, i reallywant to study chinese to improve my literacy (which is practially non-existent)... b/c i feel like i should be at least SORT OF literate after so many years of chinese school. i mean goodness..."technically" i've "graduated" from chinese school. i ought to know SOMETHING. and then, i really want to learn japanese for fun... partly b/c lots of video games are in japanese... tee hee ^_^ so yeah. back to the point... i'm just feeling really confused... like i don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what i want to study or what i want to do after college... (work? more school?) i don't even know what i want to do here...for God that is. where i should serve, how... i just... don't know... so this song by Ginny Owens is really about pain/suffering she went through for a time and wasn't able to sing, but if you replace pain and suffering w/ confusion...then this song is kinda how i feel combined with how my attitude about it all should be. such a really beautiful song. i think i'll start learning this on guitar. FUN!

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don�t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I�m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Causei�m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I�m clinging to the promise you�re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that�s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I�d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I�m all by myself
And I can�t hear you answer my cries for help
I�ll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to